emergency exits

i just put away the groceries in all the wrong places. it's an unfamiliar fridge, full of food (also unfamiliar). condiments and pickles, cheese and meat. so much it seemed redundant to be putting in 7 bags of new food, now crowding out the old food which will likely go bad in the corners. excessive. and also just plain dissociating, at a time like this. thank god for emergency exits.

you see, my mom just dropped the groceries on the floor and ran out the door. (you may recall that i am staying at my parents, for another 2 weeks). i had been lying in bed, reading "the in between world of vikram lall," when the phone rang. my brother is in the hospital. he couldn't get out of bed this morning. blurred vision, shaking and pain. my mom ran to the car, my car, telling me to put the perishables in the freezer, and having done that, i am now sitting here waiting. in real time. telling you, because i don't know what else to do.

you know, this blog is also somewhat of an emergency exit. i was going to write today that i am going to stop blogging. i've had some weird responses lately in comments and also emails that have been disquieting and called into question whether i am an extreme ego-maniac for writing about myself in this online forum. what i've realized this morning though, right now, is that i need the outlet. at times like this, i may not craft a particularly well-written or sensible entry, but i need to say something to someone. and i don't express emotion well in person. so maybe i'll stop answering the comments, i don't know. but i'll still write.

thank you for reading. as for me right now, i'm just going to sit here and wait.

RANDOM FACT ABOUT ME: i eat soup or cooked vegetables for breakfast. i don't like breakfast foods.